Bad Reviews

This morning I was on a walk with a good friend, who was venting to me about a trouble work relationship. It was clear that she and a colleague saw things differently and had differently approaches to a problem, but this colleague was rude and mean about it.

In relating to her about this story, I expressed the very sanguine view that sometimes you "just can't work with someone" and that doesn't make either of you bad people. I explained that I now had that very mature view of my failed working relationship with a professor two years ago, etc. I was feeling very empowered by the realization that I had come to a new, calmer view of that situation: if there's miscommunication, it's okay, just move past it.

It's funny how the universe works. I checked my department mailbox this morning and found my teaching evaluations from last semester. I had already seen the numbers electronically, and new that my numbers were fine to good in all categories. They were as high as I would have wanted, but I attributed this in part to the fact that it was a large lecture class and I really only knew a handful of my students personally. Nevertheless, I opened the comment sheets hoping to find one or two positive, hand-written evaluations.

Instead, there were entirely blank, except for a couple of reviews. Most of them said that them said that they didn't really know me. This was what I expected. One said simply, "You were great!" That's nice to hear. However, of course, the one that I just couldn't get past was written by a disgruntled student who said that I had "acted like I ran the class" and that I wasn't on the same page as the professor.

I know exactly who this student is, and I know why this person thinks this. On the first test, I gave this individual a B+. When we originally talked about the test, I explained  the reasons that I had given it the grade that I did. He was very angry with me, and basically acted like he thought I was stupid. I think that I was basically patient with him, and I did not have the power to change his grade anyway due to the rules of the course. When the professor regraded it (per class policy), and the professor assigned it an A--a difference of 8 points. The student was perhaps right that in this instance we were not on the same page.

I can only suppose that what this person wanted to hear from me was, "You're right, very rude student. I did grade you a bit harshly. I apologize from the depths of my soul. I should never have made such an egregious error. I did not realize whose test I was grading".... Or maybe something slightly less snide. I did not do this, but tried to explain why I had given the test that grade. The student might have had a bit of an attitude problem, and it might have been easier for me to capitulate. I hesitate, however, to be too much of a doormat when it comes to aggressive students. I don't need them thinking that I can be walked all over.

To me, it wasn't about the grade. I was fine with his eventual A grade; he was clearly bright and attended lectures. However, I didn't appreciate the disrespect I received. Looking back, I hate the fact that there's a person in the world walking around thinking I'm an arrogant idiot. Anyway, the point is that even though the encounter with the student happened months ago, reading that one bad review sent me into a bit of a spiral. It's taken me the better part of an hour to stop feeling upset and to stop reliving the whole thing. I feel a bit silly for going from zen to pieces in such a short time.

I wonder if I could have done anything differently in this situation? I wonder if the student was just going to be angry at me regardless? Obviously, I can do nothing to change this student's opinion of me, and it's upsetting to receive such a negative review. I suppose I've just got to get better at letting go of these things. I'm a person. I will occasionally clash with other people.

Matt always tells me he can't believe there's anyone out there who wouldn't like me. I think I can find at least one person now... Any advice for how to let this sort of thing roll off my back better?